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You are here: Opinions Horoscope Guide to the Stars WEEK OF June 5-11

Guide to the Stars WEEK OF June 5-11

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Aries (March 21-April 19)

Well, it’s getting hot out there honey, and to boot, you heard a little unsettling news.  Heat + Bad News = Grumpy Goat Holder. Yes, I know, it’s a ram … just a little joke to cheer you up. Chances are if you’re from Gallup you have dabbled in flea market cuisine, and some vendors may roast a goat rib or two. Tie one on this weekend, and try something new. Food I mean!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

In journalism, there’s supposed to be this person called a “fact checker.” They even check Madame G’s horrible grammar. OK, you have received some misinformation. You have been told that Uncle Barney is flirting with ladies at the senior center. When in fact, he’s just being extra friendly. Take rumors with a grain of salt and laugh off unky’s exploits.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Having muddled thoughts lately? Trust me between allergies and hot weather, Madame G has been loopier than a sailor’s knot. But, aside from the obvious, your troubles are much deeper. You have been pondering on whether you should enter a new relationship, albeit professional or personal. Don’t make any big decisions right now.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Emotional and physical stress has Cancer feeling crabby. Don’t’ start any new projects, such as knitting winter socks or mittens, just chillax as the kids say. Instead, get near some water so you can recharge you crab-like soul. Heck, venture to a nearby lake and do a little fishing and camping. Bring a fly swatter, Benadryl and some bug spray.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Wow, the king or queen of the jungle is struggling with scary dreams. You’re like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz – a bit jumpy and sobbing all over the place. Relax Leo, if something bad happens, it will be on a much smaller scale than you think. Time to listen to some music, something hypnotic. Not that techno stuff, but the sounds of crashing waves.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Madame G is sensing that things are falling apart, not you, but something material like the plumbing, roofing or perhaps a car. Not sure as there are millions of Virgos so things get jumbled in my big ole’ brain. Just take the time to deal with the matter before it explodes. For instance, you don’t want a leaky roof when monsoon season hits.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct.22)

Okay, so Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner. Love it or hate it, it’s unsettling for some Librans that grew up seeing the Olympic jock plastered across boxes of Wheaties back in the day. You believe this broke the Internet, literally. Well, that’s fine, and kind of comical, but G says to stop wasting time over-analyzing celebrities like an armchair psychologist. Live and let live.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Maybe you’re feeling down in the dumps and had a little tizzy over the whipped cream placed atop your skinny, two-pump, extra shot, nonfat mocha latte with no whip cream. That problem is solved with spoon … presto, whip cream is gone and you can enjoy your guilt free, nasty tasting indulgence. Don’t yell at the barista over this nonsense. In essence, don’t sweat the small stuff.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Well, my crystal ball tells me it’s time for a good book. Not me, you Saggy. Time to read that romance novel that’s beckoning you, but you’re too embarrassed to buy at the grocery store. Get some nerve, and buy it already. Yes, it’s okay for dudes to read this stuff too. Younger folks, go to your children’s library. There are plenty of books that deal with teen angst.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

While you are pondering on the composition of stars in the universe, the rest of us are struggling with everyday people problems. Your logic and reasoning seems void of emotion to those around you. Capricorns feel deeply though, but you engage in nerdy activities to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Pay attention, a friend needs you here on earth.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Hey angel, yes you, Madame G detects halo syndrome. You’re getting by with pure charm while gritting your teeth and wearing clinical strength deodorant. You are the knight or knight-tress that comes to the aid of those that need your help. But, Aquarians need love and a helping hand too. So take up your best friend’s offer to get a mani, pedi or hot oil massage.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Are you wondering if you’re in the right profession, relationship or town? Well, Madame G assures you that you belong in Gallup or somewhere thereabouts. As for the other things, you will always struggle with belonging or fitting in. It’s because the fishes keep swimming away from each other. It’s not your fault that you were born that way. Give someone a hug, you’ll feel better.