Back-to-school is in full swing! It’s an exciting time for families, but it’s also typically the time of year when young kids start getting sick. That means extra stress for parents. While taking care of kiddos should be a priority, experts at The University of New Mexico Health Sciences say it’s just as important for parents to remember to take care of themselves.
KIDS GET SICK A LOT, BUT IT'S NORMAL
On average, children can get sick more than eight times a year, sometimes back-to-back, and those sick periods can last anywhere from three to 10 days.
If you think about it, that is probably most of their young life, or at least it feels like that to parents,” Dr. Anna Duran, MD, said.
Duran is the chief medical officer at UNM Children’s Hospital. She said she knows it can be overwhelming for parents when their children are sick.
"I always tell parents 'We can't keep our children in a bubble, and viruses are all around us,'" she said. "While it can be challenging for parents when their children are sick, it's important to remember that each exposure to a virus builds their immune system by generating antibodies against those viruses."
Duran said the good news is that as children get older, symptoms become less severe, and they get sick less often.
SICK KIDS NEED WELL PARENTS
No doubt about it, having a sick kid on top of everyday stressors can be a lot for parents to manage. Dr. Kristina Sowar, MD, is an associate professor in the UNM School of Medicine’s Department of Psychiatry.
“It’s hard,” she said. “Especially those long streaks when parents want to know ‘When are they going to get better? Are they okay?’”
SETTING EXPECTATIONS
To avoid feeling overwhelmed, Sowar saID it starts with parents setting realistic expectations.
“It’s important to have the expectation that, the kiddo is going to get sick," she said. "That this happens, not infrequently, and it’s a process. And also, to remember after a kid has been in school for a few years, often their immunity is stronger, so the process gets easier.”
Sowar suggests planning for backup care when a child is sick, whether that’s parents taking turns caring for the child to lighten the load or seeking the help of a babysitter or another family member, if possible.
AVOIDING BURNOUT
The danger of parents trying to do it all is burnout. Sowar said when parents are in the mode to go, go, go they become disconnected to how they are feeling themselves and that can have a domino effect.
"In those high-pressure moments, we're not always connected with what our own stress levels are," Sowar said. "In turn, we may be short-fused and not be resourced enough when our kiddo needs more support, or when we need to have more compassion, whether it's for ourselves or for other people. In those moments, we're often not attuned physically to how we're feeling."
SLOW DOW AND TAKE BREATHS
Sowar said it’s critical parents find ways to slow down and lighten their load.
“Sometimes it's finding that space within ourselves to be like, ‘It's OK to slow down, it's OK to take sick days, it's OK to use paper plates for dinner, or order in," she said.
Breaks are hugely important to avoid burnout and Sowar said those breaks can be both long and short. For example, if a parent recognizes they are headed toward a heated or stressful interaction with their kid, that’s a good time to step away.
“It's important for parents to carve out space,” she said. “Take a minute. As long as your kids are in a safe space, just step out, do some deep breathing, put on some music.”
She said even small breaks can make a big difference.
“When we have this high stress, our sympathetic nervous system is really on high-drive," she said. "So, anything that we can do, even if it's just a minute or two of breathing or mindfulness helps brings us down where our parasympathetic nervous system is kicking in. That's really helpful in terms of our overall body stress balance."
But people can’t rely solely on what Sowar calls microbreaks. It’s important to take bigger breaks for things throughout the week like exercising or going out with friends.
“Do the things that help you feel connected with who you are beyond the day-to-day parenting,” she said. “There's good evidence that that's helpful."
At the end of the day, the way parents take care of themselves is also an important lesson for their kids.
“We set a model for our kids,” Sowar said. “If we are really focused on being busy, our kids see that and pick up on that, so modeling self-care is valuable for them as well.”
